English is a very phunny language

How did we let our English teachers get away without explaining all this??
1. Why is put pronounced differently than cut, rut, gut, hut, nut?
2. Why is go, so, no different from to, do?
3. How can know and no sound same and Why doesnt know and snow sound similar to now?
4. Why does tough and rough have f sound wheras though and dough dont?
5. Why do we have to use ph when we have a letter f?
6. How can read have two pronunciations? why cant you write past tense read as red or write the present tense read as reed?
7. Why does while need h but wide doesnt?
8. Why does I need a plural verb? and if so, why is it I was and not I were?
9. what is the right pronunciation of vase?
10. Why does dove (as in the bird) and dove (as in verb) have different pronunciation?

And i wonder how grown manage to learn this language?

Ignorant, are we??

You never realize how ignorant you are till you come to a new place and you meet people who know about your country down to its population, economics and culture and you know next to nothing about theirs. which is embarrassing. Every person i meet asks me the city i am from and I have barely any comments to make. Oh Slovakia.. werent u once part of Czechoslovakia!! is that what i say. Which begs the question.. are we as clueless as we make americans out to be. we are so absorbed with our own country, our own culture, languages that we dont bother to understand others. or Maybe its just that india is a known country.. perhaps more so than other countries. But i guess i am in a good place to learn. I can understand a little bit about these countries and how they work.
Yes, i am grateful for this opportunity.

It never ends!!!

You know how you look forward to the day when your current tension would end. Like the last exam.. or getting enrolled in an institution. You are so fed up of the numerous things you have to do and you hope for the day when you can sit back and say, its finished. That day never comes does it? You get to relax for like 5 minutes or less before some other aspect comes into your mind and you start the worry and the running around. The last few months I have been filling forms and arranging for hundred things and finally I thought I was done. And here I am, worrying about other hundred little things before I can finally settle in. It just never ends. There is no finally, is there?

Genetic Range of Possibilities

How much of us is shaped by genetics? I dont want to get into the Age-old Nature versus nurture debate though i have always leaned towards nurture. But for me, I guess in a way, genetics also means family. There are ways in which we resemble our parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts. Maybe it is genes. or maybe it is the fact that we have grown up with those characteristics and imbibed them without deliberation. But here is what I blame on my genetics.

1. Uncontrollable hair
2. Tendency to grey at a young age.
3. Impatience
4. The need to talk continuously at times
5. The going in by one ear and goes out the other ear.
6. Hatred of cooking
7. Love or rather need of arguing
8. Sarcasm
9. Teasing anybody and everybody

I might think of more...
PS: funny thing... apparently i look exactly like my father and like my mother. And my sister. And my paternal grandmother.

Virtue of Patience

I havent seen a lot of people who have patience. Especially when confronted with their circumstantial inabilities - age-induced weakness, fractures, anything. But then I saw my maternal grandfather. I have never heard him raise his voice. He was never restless even after retirement. He is content with what he has and what he can do even as his body becomes old and weak. If it takes him 5 minutes to cover what I would or even he would have a few years ago in 3 steps, then so be it. He doesnt hurry himself which would result in nothing but being hurt. He takes those small steps and doesnt get irritated by his dependencies. And his face lights up with a smile everytime you catch his eye and make a movement of acknowledgment (a wave, raised eyebrows, a smile). And it just feels so nice.
Why didnt I inherit this virtue?

I hate it

I hate filling up forms. The actual act of filling forms as well as the anticipation of documentation needed. And I hate arranging for things. I inevitably drive myself crazy, anticipating all sorts of questions and reasons why they would reject my request. I JUST HATE IT. Why cant I just push a button and everything set itself in place???? Why does everything have to be so complicated?

2009 mandate

So the third front did not win. The thought of Lalu Prasad, Mayawati, Sharad pawar or Jayalalitha becoming PM is postponed to another day.

So the mandate is fairly decisive. Its not a fractured vote. Its not a hung parliament.

So the Congress won and Manmohan Singh became the first PM after Jawaharlal Nehru to come back after a 5 year term.

So the BJP did not win though Varun Gandhi managed to win.

So I for the first time sat glued to the news figuring out what is happening.

So??? I guess I am happy.

Farewell

What am I supposed to feel as I say goodbye to the University and campus I have been part of the past 6 years?
The 6 years gave me friends, some great and some not so great teachers, wonderful memories, confidence, responsibilities that I was always tensed about but which I have always been grateful for after I have accomplished it. I learned so much but most importantly I learned about the person I am. Its an end of an era. And now I begin the rest of my life. Which sounds exhilarating and frightening at the same time.
But as I said goodbye to this important part of my life, I was waiting for some emotion to hit me. Nostalgia, relief, happiness anything. But I felt nothing. It was strange. However I discover that I have one more chance for goodbye. As I meet my friends (who finish exams tom) in college, we can all begin our new lives together.

10 things I hate about exams

this is apart from the usual giving up of life, liberty and freedom...
1. That we are not allowed to carry the statute books and have to instead memorise the long list of definitions.
2. That the neighbour is not only a cheater but an irritating one at that. He keeps calling the person in front of me for help...Rajiv Rajiv Rajiv Rajiv.. for heavens sake, shut up.
3.That supervisors wear duppattas with shells.
4. That the choice of last answer depends not on what i know best but on what i can answer fastest given the limited time i have left.
5. That the neighbour adjusts his/her pen in a squeaky manner or tries to kill the answer sheet with pen and sheet groans in response.
6. That the supervisors decide to spend the boring three hours by talking to each other in not so hush voices.
7. That some person(s) near me would have taken 3 extra sheets while i am still on the original sheet.
8. That all the nice movies come on TV day before when i am busy studying and nothing on TV the day i give the paper and have free time.
9. That I have to travel in the hot summer sun at 1 pm and struggle to find a parking.
10. That I get bored in the middle of the exam. (but to counter this, i start singing in my head or recalling news that i saw or book i had read while still writing the answers.. correct answers.)

Mahabharat, Karna and Paanchali

Mahabharat has always interested me more than any other mythology or so called religious texts. Every Sunday, I would sit and watch the TV series religiously.. But then so did the rest of the country. But the only religious part in it Bhagwat Gita - i only know the bare part of it. Enough to continue the story but no knowledge learnt. Infact I didnt learn anything from Mahabharat. Or may be I did. That nobody was perfect. Everybody made mistakes. Even the winners - Pandavas and they suffered from the war and its destruction as much as the kauravas did. Perhaps thats what was fascinating. This layers and layers of stories and back-stories all showing a side of humans and alleged gods. The good, the bad and the ugly. That inspite of the fact that Pandavas won, they were not gods. The heroes were not perfect.

But reading another version of Mahabharat, I found that the traditional version leaves out so much. It explains the actions but with emphasis on its consequences rather than the complex emotions and causes behind it. How do the characters feel? Sure we read about Kauravas' jealousy and malice, Arjun's indecision at the start of the war and Yudhistar's shame at the lie he was forced to tell. But what about the undercurrents... was Drithrastra more to blame than just the mere overindulgence of his sons and turning a blind eye (pun unintended??) to their faults, how did kunti really feel, did Gandhari really blind herself for her husband or to withdraw from the world which had deceived her, and most importantly.. wat about Karna.. the son who was never recognised, the warrior who was not given the pleasure of battle when he challenged, who was insulted by everyone publicly, decieved by the God who wanted to protect his own son, befriended by a person who finally put him against his brothers. Karna had moral codes... did he hesitate at the selfishness of Duryodhan though he was overcome by the friendship extended to him when he was alone. He has been guilty mainly for being in the wrong side of the war. But then fierce loyalty has been the cause of so much in Mahabharat. Loyalty to their brother meant that the Panadava brothers watched in silence as they and their wife was gambled away and then humiliated. Loyalty to their mother meant they shared a wife as you might share a commodity. Bheeshma's loyalty to his own word meant he couldnt marry Amba and that he would have to side with the Kauravas against Pandavas whom he loved more and believed to have the just cause. Did the Pandavas acknowledge that he was a great warrior and a man who kept his word before they found out that he was their brother? These are interesting characters but they would be even more interesting if their personalities were explored more.

Another character who interests me is Paanchali - how did she feel being married to five men and rotated among them or being gambled away. But when I read 'The Palace of Illusions' - Mahabharat as told by Paanchali, I felt a little disturbed (though I got over it by the time the book finished). I dont know what it was exactly. Was it that the book explored the possibility of feelings of Paanchali towards Karna and vice versa? I dont think so. Or maybe it was that even after being married for so long, she couldnt fall in love with even one of her husbands. But then can one really blame her. Pandavas werent exactly lovable people- they were arrogant, self-righteous, momma's boys. I think I wasnt prepared for the malice, cruelty and vengeance in the thoughts and motives of Paanchali. I wasnt prepared for the friction-filled relationship between Kunti and Paanchali. Though when I think about it, considering that I like Mahabharat mainly because nobody was perfect, why should I be surprised that the women werent perfect either especially Paanchali whose impulsive actions were held to be the cause of the Great War? Or maybe I always imagined that the imperfections were due to the circumstances she had to undergo. But perhaps she was born with jealousy, anger and other human failings. Was I conditioned to believe that women of those times were virtuous and perfect daughter, wife and mother?

PS: I have always wondered why the curses came true. Why was the power to curse given to people who were short tempered and who let it flow freely without even considering why the person acted in the way that they did?

God and Religion

Would I have believed in God if there was no religion?
Seems a little odd but if you think about it, not really.. God and religion are two different beliefs and this concept should not be difficult to understand given the number of religions existing. Imagine that there was no religious superstition and the utter nonsense that is/was being preached. Maybe I would have believed in a divine being if it were not for the trappings of rules of behaviour necessarily attached to it and used for the profit of certain hypocritical class of people and advocating the oppression of others. Maybe the concepts of nature and luck could have been attributed to this divine being and it could be comforting to believe that there was a superior being in this chaos world.

Maybe not. I would still need a justification for believing in the existence of such a being and I see none. I dont believe that god created the world or that He/She controls our destiny and I definately dont believe in any form of heaven/hell and Judgment Day. And I think it would be more discomforting to believe that this chaotic world is existing with the superior being than without it. And as far as I can remember, my athiesm was not a reaction to the religion. It was probably there before my reasoning abilities kicked in.

I cant understand people!!

Alternative title - People are just Dumb!!
This is a post from a while back.. i just dumped it in the drafts. but i think it should be published... just to let everybody know what i think..


I know you shouldnt expect people to think and behave in the same manner that you would but is it wrong to expect that when you are working hard for essentially their benefit, they would try not to make your life difficult? Why do they have to complain and demand favours as a right when it is their own fault that things are such.. It has made me not care about what happens.. I am in general a very impatient person and get tired of a thing after a while so I would have stopped caring eventually but thanx to such people that time has been come sooner.



GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU!!! I DONT CARE!!

The reason of it all

I am no storyteller.. Fair warning!

This is a story of a neglected child who finally decided to strike back.

There she was.. locked out of the room again. They always did that to her. Brushing her away so they could discuss 'grown up' stuff. 'You are too young' they told her. 'Only two and half years younger' she wanted to yell. But she couldnt. And now she was stuck alone with no one to play. Why couldnt they include her in their games? She knew they were just pretending to be all grown up, trying to compete with the other gang in the family. They were doing to her what this other gang did to them. They wanted to feel like adults and that they could do only if they made her feel small. Why did she even come to her aunt's house? At her home, there was the grandmother who loved her and would never tire of playing with her! She was her grandmother's favourite..

Finally they let her play with them. After being coerced, undoubtedly. Well.. its about time they learnt she wasnt all that young. But she couldnt win against them. They had picked a difficult game. How could she get back at them if she couldnt win against them? bulb flash as the grandmother enters. She started to cry. Now they would understand whats its like to be punished for no reason.

Epilogue: They all grew up and despite the scars which left their mark on their personalities, they didnt kill each other and in fact are still on talking terms.

Subtle Entertainment?

I love hindi movies. Cant say the same about Hindi serials. But both have something in common. they lack something that English movies and serials have. And I have firgured it out. SUBTLETY!! Most Hindi serials have to spell everything out...twice!!! they are in your face and most often crude. They treat the audience as if they are 5 year olds and in this day and age, even 5 year olds would be smarter. Undercurrent emotions are almost unknown. I wonder how a 'good' person is so blind not to see the other person making all kinds of faces which clearly indicate his/her 'evilness'. There is rarely any subtext nor any link to previous episodes. Characters change behaviour without any reason and while i know that the very idea of soaps is twists and turns without explanation and without reason just to keep the story going but there has to be some coherence. I have caught some episodes of American soaps and yes, they change plots, spouses, stories, behaviour with unpredictable or rather predictable regularity but atleast there is an appearance of coherence. Comedies are far behind. They all lack punchlines and have to resort to crudeness to get any laughs.
While I enjoy the sheer madness of hindi movies without any regard to why anything happens, I realised that very few Hindi movies have conversation between the actors. I liked Jab We Met precisely because there was a real connection between these two characters independent of the fact that since they were the main characters, they had to fall in love. The dialogue between Shah Rukh Khan and Vinay Pathak in Rab ne is another example. But there are very few movies which express emotions without having to resort to over the top drama. And that can be found in the English movies... atleast in many of them that I have seen.
I wish that our movies could imbibe that.. atleast in part..

The Weight of expectations

Is it harder when people have great expectations of you?

It seems as if I am more afraid of letting them down than I am of making a fool of myself! When somebody picks you especially and tells you they trust you completely to handle it, that they think you are the best option... it made me feel good but now it just makes me feel uneasy.

On the other hand when people have no expectations, when you are doing something entirely for yourself then you have only your expectations to deal with.. and somehow you manage..

So what do I do now... the best I can, hope for the best and if things dont go as i hope.. bury myself in a corner with Booze!!