come sleep

Blue sky, green fields, wind blowing
a perfect picture of a river flowing
as i close my eyes i see
the meeting of the sky and sea
on the beach the sunset
and hope that it calms my unrest
if only it was so easy, but its not
i dont understand what i have caught
with open eyes i look around the room of mine
see the fan whirling, hear the ticking of time
thoughts race one after the other
like a ship without a rudder
they never make sense what i feel
all i want is peace, too much to ask, it must seem
how long i spend like this i dont know
before sleep obliges me with a bow
why is it so hard to do this simple task
fall asleep and dream and relax
but the love of sleep in the morn takes away my fame
even as an insomniac, i cant stake a claim

compatibility quiz

so i saw koffee with Karan - kareena kapoor and shahid kapur. after the first episode i havnt seen much of this second season. wish i had stuck to that habit. But i am not writing this to talk abt the show, or the actors or karan himself ( who i say supreme egoist by the way) but rather unwittingly it started something. he had this compatibility vivah quiz where he asked shahid various things abt kareena ( i wont even go into this) and it got me thinking if i have to judge closeness of my relationships with people through these kind of quizes, i would prob flunk all tests. i am not very observent and forget stories and facts told to me.. so how would i remember things like fav colour, actor etc unless so blatant that it is doing tap dance right under my nose!! so does it matter whether you know these things or not. normally i would say no.. ofcourse it doesnt. what matters is the relationship itself - the comfort level, the trust and readiness to be there for each other. but in the course of friendship and even family relations ( my own sis) arent i supposed to pick up some info. like if i am asked to organise a bday party for a friend, would be able to do so.. pick out songs, colour schemes, food.. i dont know. i think i do know lot of things abt very close friends and family members (seriously if you talk that much, something is bound to stick in your mind) but if you ask me specifically probably not. Fav colours - no idea abt anyone. so does that mean i am not compatible with anyone.. ( so i'll never have a vivah - doesnt sound all that bad right now). i guess not. i think some would disagree.
so what should i do? start interrogations, try and remember things when they tell me. or not bother at all about so called compatibility tests.. it doesnt matter right. it could be that the other person doesnt have specific favs.. i mean i dont have a fav colour right now, prob not so much a fav season, and other things. so no matter how close you are to me, you wont know these things abt me, coz i dont know myself. and then there are things that change with your mood. now i am not going to be a mood reader for these things... spare me i have better ways to waste my time. i should have known no good can come out of something involving kareena kapoor, shahid kapur and karan johar in an interview.

PS: in case you do care, some favourites
Book - pride and prejudice
Movie - for now Lord of the Rings ( all 3, especially 3rd - love happy endings)
Actor in terms of looks - Tom Cruise ( dont care abt how good a husband he is)
Food - chinese or italian - i think chinese might score higher.

so remember them so you can answer on the quiz about me!!!!!!

family

Holi is here. not that i celebrate it. but it took my mind to festivals and diwali. diwali has been the most celebrated festival ( i think navratri gives a very good competition) but if you ask me to pick, i'll pick diwali anyday. guess its to do with past. i think rama/renu talked about diwali in her post sometime back. It used to be great fun. card-games, sleepovers, early morning bath, new clothes..and for sometime firecrackers too (stopped bursting long time back though). but its all changed. i dont think i'll ever get to have those diwali back. its too different now.. i am not very fond of change. i am conservative that way. i am not impulsive and i cant change my thinking, my views, my schedule very easily. so accepting this reality also took a long time. but with my realisation mode in over-drive, i accepted another reality, the family has changed. everybody has changed. people have grown-up ( some have become old!!) they have busy lives. and i have seen the sides of people i didnt know existed. nobody is perfect. everybody has negatives. but when the family ( extended and close) you have grown up with, watching, joking with, changes or rather you discover the real them, its a slight shock.

ofcourse me being me, i went to the other extreme..i saw only negatives, the oppressiveness which sometimes comes with a large family. i wanted to run away from everybody.. sometimes, i still do. with family, you have to learn to ignore, bear, accept, shrug off, stand firm with diplomacy.. and so much more. i guess i changed too.. i grew up and i wanted certain things to change with me.. obviously they wont. why does world change when i want it to be same but not change when i want it too? now i have to learn that though i didnt choose my family and though there might be a lot of things in the past, present and future that i dont like, its something i will have to deal with. this family has given me much, especially when i was young. now i am getting more individualistic.. i just have to get the balance. its a little tough.. but though i am not a 'pathetic optimist' i am not a cynic either. i feel i would find what i need. or maybe i have, its all in the mood!!!