Exams

Its amazing how you can have an exam coming up and still have enough time to watch tv, be on internet, even contemplate watching a movie. and i did see movie in my previous semester exam!!

While it can be argued that since exams are nothing but a check of what u have learnt in the year so it should be easy... but we all know that aint the reason.. Especially considering i dont remember what was taught in the semester, and i blame the teachers we had.. There is just something about this course that people find easy to study for. Could be the dukki we have... a thin guide like book to be read for the whole paper.. and predictable question papers that are churned out.. so u can analyse and predict what will come and what wont. i pride myself on that analysis, though i end up studying enough to answer 7 of the 8 questions instead of just 5 (the required amount). So this time they decided to complicate matters by getting a compulsory question in. 4 out of 5 short 5 mark questions from anywhere... to get ppl to study more, that is if they cared about those marks. and make a common paper for 3 centres so pattern of question varies a little.

As a education evaluator, i think its a good idea to make sure ppl study more.. as a student i think its shamful the way they are complicating things. As me, i dont care. i realised it wont make a difference to how i study or how much i study.

But in the mean time, i really do enjoy this free time exams..

I've been called

i have been called a lot of things by lot of people. this is my attempt to list some of them down. Dont contribute in the comments section unless it is complimentary and as i doubt if any of you is gonna compliment me.. just forget it.

1. Brat: by family. And i cant deny it, dont want to. it comes with the territory of being the younger sister.

2. Soft-spoken: a guy who had met me once before. explains the incorrect description.

3. Intelligent, smart: i suppose i am.

4. Studious: its different from above. i do give importance to study. thats probably because of my family, and the fact that i am usually good in studies. But i am the last minute student. I am conceptually sound at most times though and people think that means i study a lot. Nope, thats just Point no 3.

5. Arrogant: Not to my face. This is second hand info and the informant took care to let me know that i am not, as did another friend. But later came a short period, the aftermath of 3 entrance results and the graduation result - did great and couldnt stop telling people. I did shut up after a few days..

6. Guru: not related to abhishek bachchan at all. This is coz i used to be the student teacher for my friends.

7. Talli-Balli: lamba mera yaar uski chotti gali - i just really like this line thats all. But the point is self explanstory, dont u think?

8. Mad: Now this is a compliment. I covered this point here.

9. Independent: by classmates. apparently i give out the vibe of being strong and capable and i can be alone with a book and music during times when my friends have classes and i dont.

10. Opinionated: a friend, who took care to point out that while she likes the fact that i have strong opinions, sometimes their way of expression may hurt another person.

11. Dominating: I figured i was a push-over in some respects. But Point 10 and 11 mixed - you get the picture.

12. Sarcastic: what can i say? its in my genes.

13. Impatient: in a haste to finish work that quality might suffer. I guess in some cases its true. i can hold this responsible for all the silly-mistakes in math.

14. Leadership quality: B is what my teachers in school gave me, i understand now. as i grew up, I have been responsible for events etc but i am still not comfortable. I like specific work.

Memories

My memories can be classified into groups- those that i remember - there is an image in my mind or my feeling then.. like sitting in the winter sun with grandma, playing pittoo in a park (again in winter), Diwali card games, scratching my legs in the cement slope-cum-slide and so many others. and then those that i dont remember myself (so technically its not my memory!). its the stories i have heard from others about me. About how i cried and cried so my father had to rush home, take me to a doctor and then i stopped crying while they were still explaining to him what happened, finding amusement in my father's keys. While i know the story, i prefer to hear it from others, because i can listen to their voice and tone and get a feel of the memory.

And then the third group - the ones i am unsure of.. i can remember them but i cant figure out if they are really my memories or is it that i have heard them so often that they have become part of my brain and i am imagining how i must have felt or how it must have been. With a large family, its a given that one story would get repeated often, especially with my family. so if we commit a blooper be prepared for a lifetime of constantly hearing about it. Its now difficult to distinguish my memory from them. Maybe the stories have overshadowed my own version and thats why i am unsure of whether i really remember.. or maybe i dont have a version of myself. i dont know. Like seeing QSQT 3 times a day for a whole month. it seems like a physical and mental impossibility.. and me being a sucker for happy endings.. it seems a weird choice. But there it is. i rememeber we borrowed the video from a neighbour but as for actually seeing it, i cant tell for sure whether its my memory. Like how i used to say Parrot while others were playing countries Antakshari. These are so agonisingly close that i almost remember them.. maybe i do.. its just i cant say for sure.

Does it matter? maybe not. I do have the stories. and i can repeat them anytime. But maybe it would be nice to have an image or a feeling that i was sure was original!

Best thing about Sunday

Is Saturday!!!
I have college on saturdays too.. but i dont work on saturday.. So that means that my weekend starts on saturday afternoon. Sundays may be a full holiday but always in the back of your mind, you know that the next day is monday - back to the grind. but Saturday, oh saturday - you know that tomorrow is off.. There is nothing in the back of your mind.. infact there is nothing in your mind except for the thought of getting up late tomorrow. I can be up late into the night because i dont have to get up at inhumane time of 630 am. Evenings are my time. I was born in the evening. and there is a saying that time of your birth determines which is your time of the day; Mornings are definately not my time. i take ages to get up and get ready which means i have to set my alarm atleast an hour and 15 min before i intend to leave ( which gets delayed by atleast 10 min). and i am grumpier coz i couldnt sleep for longer. Now on the other hand, evenings is great. i get active then. but since day starts in the morning - by the time evening comes, there is tiredness to reckon with and so instead of being active i am just restless.. but saturdays - wonderful: not tired because tom is off.. i have the entire day to relax.
And night: though i was born in evening, night is also my time. I think i like the quietness of the time. no disruptions, no disturbances. Uninterrupted TV, computer, reading... Great!!
I love Saturday evenings and nights!
too bad its a whole 5 days away!

i want to run away

From crappy teachers, administration
poor infrastructure, stupid system
i want to run away

From crowded broken down buses
the yelling haggling people
i want to run away

From indifferent and callous public
yet with rising mob mentality
i want to run away

From irrational obsessions
corruption and politics
i want to run away

From family expectations
demand of conformity
i want to run away

From questions unanswered
or worse brushed aside
i want to run away

Books!

i love books. ok, so i dont read the intellectual, real literature or whatever it is you call that, though through attempts of others, i have wavered into the territory.

but lately i have gone off books. ok so i read the latest harry potter. that took me a day ( a day which went into 4 in the morning of next day). but no other books. i have been repeating old books.. trusted old books, where i can pick any page and know where i am in the story. and its not that there is shortage of books.. i have loads of new books just standing there, waiting for the precious moment when i will pick them up and not put them back. and they are interesting books.. and its not like i dont have time at all. i have the evenings and travel to and from college. i dont know what has happened. would a fast-paced thriller which keeps one glued, break this? (where is a good jeffrey archer when you need one!).

so why is this happening? is it that i dont want to use my brains much (keep off the comments!). like i dont want to think. or is it just pure laziness to commit hours to this. with old books, i can leave them at any time and not worry as i know exactly what will happen next. or is it that for the moment, i find the books boring? maybe thats why agatha christie ( what have i not read yet???), jeffrey archer, john grisham etc kinda books will work. they are quick and gripping.

but i want to get back to my books. i look at them everyday and wonder when i will start on them. now i know its a good idea to have unread books around, but there are lots now. so i better get to it.. maybe if i start, the flow will come. i hope so!!

MAD?

'You are mad!'
someone told me in the middle of a conversation. for a minute i thought he thought i was angry, but the mention of electric shock therapy got me around to the right meaning. And my reply - ' oh yeah. i take that as a compliment' and i do. it is a compliment for me. i love hearing stories about how mad i was when i was younger (but then that may be that being a large family, my stories see the light of day so few times).

am i ashamed of my silliness? ofcourse not. i once said i accepted the low feeling bcoz it meant higher highs - craziness.. and its very valuable to me. not everyone might think that insanity is a worthy claim. i beg to differ.. its very worthy. why? i dont know. maybe bcoz that makes me different (does it really?), its non-comformist, it makes me feel free.. or hundred different reasons i cant quite think of now.

PS: Now despite what people might think, i am not advocating completely senility.. i can be quite sane when required!
does this claim for sanity just prove that i am infact insane?