Virtue of Patience

I havent seen a lot of people who have patience. Especially when confronted with their circumstantial inabilities - age-induced weakness, fractures, anything. But then I saw my maternal grandfather. I have never heard him raise his voice. He was never restless even after retirement. He is content with what he has and what he can do even as his body becomes old and weak. If it takes him 5 minutes to cover what I would or even he would have a few years ago in 3 steps, then so be it. He doesnt hurry himself which would result in nothing but being hurt. He takes those small steps and doesnt get irritated by his dependencies. And his face lights up with a smile everytime you catch his eye and make a movement of acknowledgment (a wave, raised eyebrows, a smile). And it just feels so nice.
Why didnt I inherit this virtue?

The reason of it all

I am no storyteller.. Fair warning!

This is a story of a neglected child who finally decided to strike back.

There she was.. locked out of the room again. They always did that to her. Brushing her away so they could discuss 'grown up' stuff. 'You are too young' they told her. 'Only two and half years younger' she wanted to yell. But she couldnt. And now she was stuck alone with no one to play. Why couldnt they include her in their games? She knew they were just pretending to be all grown up, trying to compete with the other gang in the family. They were doing to her what this other gang did to them. They wanted to feel like adults and that they could do only if they made her feel small. Why did she even come to her aunt's house? At her home, there was the grandmother who loved her and would never tire of playing with her! She was her grandmother's favourite..

Finally they let her play with them. After being coerced, undoubtedly. Well.. its about time they learnt she wasnt all that young. But she couldnt win against them. They had picked a difficult game. How could she get back at them if she couldnt win against them? bulb flash as the grandmother enters. She started to cry. Now they would understand whats its like to be punished for no reason.

Epilogue: They all grew up and despite the scars which left their mark on their personalities, they didnt kill each other and in fact are still on talking terms.

Thing about moms!

This is essentially a mother - daughter relation. Having a sister and no brothers (and i am very grateful for that), i dont know how a mother-son relation would work. but this is some of things i have observed..

1. You have the maximum fights with mom (with possible exception of sister)
2. As much as you fight and as mad as you get, its hard to stay mad for a long time. i have tried to be so, believe me.
3. Though it seems like she never understands, she surprises you. She does understand.
4. She might disagree with you and diapprove, but she always defends you in front of others.
5. She never buys your arguement of shortage of clothes and makes outrageous suggestions about what to wear and what to buy.
6. When she knows you really dont want to do something, she doesnt force you ( she does force you to do lot of other things though). She would even make excuses for you, sometimes even to your father.
7. She(true of parents as such i guess) is proud of what you have done, however small it might be and can be embarrasing in showing off.
8. She is always after you to eat, it doesnt matter if you are not hungry.
9. Even if you have to cajole, pressurise and force it out of her, a nod from her means you can enjoy the expensive and probably worthless article without guilt ( especially when you dont earn)
10. Moms have the best ability to calm your nerves, especially before exams. (i havent had to test that theory much.. but i believe it)
11. If you cant find something, you always call out to her, though there is no earthly reason why she should know where it is.
12. She knows when you have a "mood-out".
13. Though you tell her not to bother, but when she cleans your cupboard ( she tried to get you to do it, but ofcourse you dont), you are quite pleased with her organization of your clothes.

family

Holi is here. not that i celebrate it. but it took my mind to festivals and diwali. diwali has been the most celebrated festival ( i think navratri gives a very good competition) but if you ask me to pick, i'll pick diwali anyday. guess its to do with past. i think rama/renu talked about diwali in her post sometime back. It used to be great fun. card-games, sleepovers, early morning bath, new clothes..and for sometime firecrackers too (stopped bursting long time back though). but its all changed. i dont think i'll ever get to have those diwali back. its too different now.. i am not very fond of change. i am conservative that way. i am not impulsive and i cant change my thinking, my views, my schedule very easily. so accepting this reality also took a long time. but with my realisation mode in over-drive, i accepted another reality, the family has changed. everybody has changed. people have grown-up ( some have become old!!) they have busy lives. and i have seen the sides of people i didnt know existed. nobody is perfect. everybody has negatives. but when the family ( extended and close) you have grown up with, watching, joking with, changes or rather you discover the real them, its a slight shock.

ofcourse me being me, i went to the other extreme..i saw only negatives, the oppressiveness which sometimes comes with a large family. i wanted to run away from everybody.. sometimes, i still do. with family, you have to learn to ignore, bear, accept, shrug off, stand firm with diplomacy.. and so much more. i guess i changed too.. i grew up and i wanted certain things to change with me.. obviously they wont. why does world change when i want it to be same but not change when i want it too? now i have to learn that though i didnt choose my family and though there might be a lot of things in the past, present and future that i dont like, its something i will have to deal with. this family has given me much, especially when i was young. now i am getting more individualistic.. i just have to get the balance. its a little tough.. but though i am not a 'pathetic optimist' i am not a cynic either. i feel i would find what i need. or maybe i have, its all in the mood!!!