I read about this thing called the quarter life crisis sometime back. I don’t know what it said now exactly, but it dealt with common problems people in their 20s face. I remember feeling thrilled because it exactly described how I felt. I was not alone. There was a whole syndrome based on it. So I sent it to all my friends. Unfortunately nobody responded. So I am back to the question.. is it just me? I guess not, because someone did send it to me.
Confusion was one of the main themes underlying the whole syndrome/crisis. It also seems to be the keyword in my life. But the crisis started as I hit 20 (quite an early start of the syndrome). By college third year, I was waging a full scale war inside of me ( how did I fight a war inside me against myself? Self destruction was inevitable and multiplied). Back and forth, I went. Finally at the last minute I made a decision which apparently everybody knew I was going to make, except me. Or maybe I did know too. Now, I am confused about my confusion then. If I thought making that decision would end this confusion, I was in for not so subtle awakening. So here I am, confused as ever, infact more now than ever before. Doubt set in early and for months I seeked reassurance which was not forthcoming. Not helped by my attempt at serious work which suffocated me too much. But when I did get a divine (?) sign that I was in the right path, the broad path broke into tiny twisted, criss-crossed little streets and I don’t know what to pick, where to go. Realizing that you have to make more choices when you had believed that your life changing decision had been made is tough. It’s unnerving. I feel like saying.. “back off! let me breath”
I don’t remember if this was part of that quarter life crisis. If not, it should be. Its called the idealism meets realism crisis. Its not that I am completely cutoff from reality. I have known for a long time that the world is definitely not idealistic, not in my sense, not in anybody else’s. But I am realizing how this reality would affect who I am. I don’t know if I will survive, would I still be me when the world starts throwing far more serious things than tough question papers. Its easy to say I have principles and I follow them now but would I remain true to them as I grow older. Disillusionment is part of life but when it makes you question everything you know of yourself, its more than just a part… it’s a crisis.
PS: usage of word crisis is my prerogative. it might seem to you to be exagerration, but thats none of my concern!
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2 comments:
Good blog,...yes everyone goes through the crises point.At this point life starts throwing things at you and you have to start making Decisions. The part about "Idealism meets realism" is real and sorry to say this but this continues dear...or let me say gets worse. But then also shapes the person u are...
But this flux..or in ur terms the crises is the beginning of ur life as an adult...so along with freedom comes confusion, trying to do the right thing by u ("right" here is what u define for urself).
So here's my final say....Enjoy the crises...its here to stay!!!
the only permanent thing for people cursed (or blessed) with a critical thinking capacity (actually everyone is, but those who use it)is crisis.
and for u, u are one of them and its too late to change. i wouldnt want to either, if i were u. the decision making seems tough, but behind the choices, whatever the choices u make, is the thinking process and its that process that makes u who u are.
u can always wonder whether u made the right decision or not, and there will be many a decision u would want to change, but i hope that u will never encounter a situation in life where u would think that the process in which u thought, reflected and mulled about was wrong.
and trust me, if u wish, u can upturn most choices. life is about making and remaking ourselves!
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