???

Sometimes, I dont know what I feel. and that just makes it harder. If I know I am depressed or miserable, I can deal with it. if I am angry or irritated, I can justify my actions. if I am restless even, at least I know. but now, i just dont know. its as if i am feeling everything at once and its confusing the hell out of me. I am a little miserable about who i am, i am angry at others for who they are, i am apprehensive about where i am headed. I feel weird about how old i am. I am worried about my future. I cant talk to others and i cant listen to them either. Is all of this confusing me or is it something else that is manifesting itself in these varied forms? i wish life was simpler. i wish i was back in school. My school was pretty good, though it was in college that i started to find myself and real, close friends. But right now, school is very attractive - for its stability and continuity of year after year, of no decision making, of homework and exams from that i did so well, of free afternoons and evenings, of no responsibility inside or outside house. and most of all, i never had to think about my emotions, about how i felt. i had my ups and downs but i dont remember ever encountering depression or anger that wasnt targetted at something specific or worry/ tension about future.. most of all, i never had encounter not knowing who i was or what i was feeling. that is blessing that i realise the importance of. i now understand why people get nostalgic about their childhood.. and perhaps thats what it is. i am not ready to finally put any childhood aside and become an adult.